Feeling Based Relating – by Souvereign
Feeling-based relating and a pre-declared willingness to be real with what is going on inside of our cells when we feel emotional reactions (fantasy conflict) BEFORE coming into a co-living ecosystem is paramount to warrant its healthy (syntropic) continuing.
Feeling-based reactions are gifts not flaws. They are indicators of what still is unresolved from much earlier in ones’ life and a set of Natural Comprehensions about our Human Nature and what the function truly is of our emotional reactions, is PARAMOUNT to navigating Life in a shared ecosystem so that we regain wholeness individually and (only through that) collectively. Which is our ability to thrive instead of blame, resolve instead of project.
It is therefore paramount for those wanting to live in Community to comprehend what I call Humandamage, (unnatural ways of navigating life with and around each other) that all stem ultimately from unresolved trauma, which in fact are only unprocessed feelings related to past emotional imprinting.
For this being aware of “where we are”, how we got here and what is responsible for any of the emotional reactions, requires a Willingness to be open and curious as to our current human arrival inside the insane asylum that is (self evidently) causing major havoc on our earth, in our society, all due to how we navigate (ourselves).
In essence, we have gone away from feeling based relating to “protect ourselves” in a world that wasn’t and still isn’t respecting the multitude of challenges that come about when we do no longer prioritize being loving, kind, willing to receive and listen, so to relate around what is really relevant and (always) felt as “real”. (Such are our feelings; real-feeling feelings)
We have been programmed (due to the lack of safety to express our vulnerabilities) to relate with others in metaphors, people speak in “we” or “you-forms” just so we don’t have to actually “go there”. The source to all this: When we were young we weren’t followed, allowed, welcomed, supported, and or accepted for what was feeling real for us.
This “field” of remembering “how we got here” and what is the cause of our generally observed “inability” to truly process what still wants to be processed (and thus resolved or healed from within) is likely the most relevant field of human inner dynamics that I have delved into and continue to explore, so to discover how “turning the tides” and changing our broken/ dysfunctional ways of coherently living in community is not only possible but also our natural place of being.
All this stands and falls with IF we are Willing to explore how to change our own broken/ dysfunctional ways so to coherently live in community again.
It is thus that I have found that my human ability to cultivate Willingness determines and has determined my own “self-liberation” so to speak. We both know that this requires a pre-determined commitment to this Willingness. It is an act of Radical self Love, radical self-acceptance and radical willingness to be real, to go into the raw and most of all navigate ourselves in a Natural Frequency. It is also an ongoing commitment that as soon as I stop being Willing stops this “growth”.
We each can only truly hold ourselves accountable as only we can “Check-In” with ourselves as to whether we are navigating in an unnatural frequency. Additionally, because we intrinsically all know what is Natural, we can, with Willingness, discover again and again whether we are hiding, avoiding, pretending, lying, projecting or (in essence) still protecting ourselves instead of being real with what is really going on in our thoughts. Every human knows when they are acting out of integrity (natural frequency) if they check in with themselves. The question is, given the context of living in community, if they really want to keep doing it like this (as it is coping and NOT resolving anything in the “long run”).
Most people have never heard or have been related within a safe space to come into the comprehension that it is a choice to be reacting, projecting, and blaming. Nor have most people been remembering that therefore it is a choice to go into those narratives. That we can explore them, that there is a Gift, an opportunity for properly processing these reactive feelings that are coming up. And so it simply is a choice to keep doing “it like this” or discovering where “this” comes from within us.
Neurochemical associative memory is another “ally” part of our Human Nature that, if we are “willing access to it”, can reveal what is truly going on: the external reality experience is triggering unresolved emotional imprinting from our past lived experiences.
Based on neurochemical associative memory being triggered around situations in the present moment it actually isn’t really complicated to remember what truly transpired as “He’s” only ever triggers unresolved emotional imprinting around “He’s” and navigating around “She’s” only ever triggers associative memory around “She’s” of our past.
I discovered that this is all linked to what I call the “Primary He” and “Primary She” and it pertains always to the “Primary Imprint” where our feelings were being “harmed”.
When we expand on remembering how we would naturally navigate with younglings that are experiencing intense emotional experiences (having compassion, acceptance, care, receiving, welcoming) we can sense again how far our current societal framework has moved away from this and continues to shoosh, diminish, avoid, silence or wants to fix (so to avoid) these scenarios. They are however fully part of what it constitutes to being a Human Being – a feeling-based creature.
I have learned that I can only “show up” for myself so as to resolve the unresolved that wants to be resolved (that is why humans emotionally react – we are not wired to store trauma – we are wired to properly process it) AND YET here we sit with immense amounts of transgenerational traumas AND we have a desire to be co-living and thriving in a community of loving, caring humans.
The “systemic-ness” of what I call humandamage benefits only Love, radical exploration, and deep questioning so to re-enable our own Life-Ways that are syntropic (life-supporting in its fullest most natural forms and ways).
The natural truth that I remembered is that we are all born to Love, we all naturally anticipate being accepted for the feelings we experience and not one human being is born to anticipate and welcome rejection, abandonment, shaming, premature separation from Love or experiencing the absence of presence which can be called the absence of “love”.
It is our Human Nature to care, to be kind, to be supportive and empathic. Humanity has seemingly lost this ability because of all the distorted fantasies that it is entertaining. Due to famine, crisis’s, wars and all sorts of man-manipulated events over the past several thousand years (instigated by those who chose to become dominating) we’ve ended up with a whole bunch of false narratives or so-called belief systems that have nothing to do with Human Nature or how and what nature is truly based on: Syntropy.
Perhaps it was the move into Agriculture several thousands years ago…what is evident is that Man decided (out of trauma) to operate on a “need to control” their environment, all for so-called “safety purposes” (which I call “inverted Love”)
In its true essence, Humanity forgot how to process their feelings properly. We forgot how to Grief. We started relating to the past as a means to protect ourselves into the future based on fear, which comes from not having properly processed our traumatic (strong emotional) experiences.
In this we started relating to “death”, and how the natural cycles of Life and Death express themselves EVERYWHERE in Nature, from a place of fear, self-preservation, self-protection and thus domination. This is where in my reflections; humanity “fell from Grace”. We started to disconnect ourselves from Nature which in today’s world has amounted to the greatest of manifestations that we can witness everywhere we look when questioning whether it is natural what it is that we are doing.
What I have found paramount for my own growth and self-liberation (ability to return to being in the flow with Life) is the study of Syntropy which is the questioning of what Nature is in-and-of-itself actually working towards.
Through my studies of Syntropic Agroforestry, I have found my own clear-cut roadmap to what nature “operates on” or is wired for in its OWN strategy. My initial study was simply to question the function of plants instead of judging them for being “ a weed” , I quite quickly realized that “we are Nature” too, and that the same principles and strategies that are observable in Nature also operate in exactly the same way within Human Nature.
We are Life and all of Life operates on Syntropy. In that we are no different than trees once we strip back all the hustle and bustle we seem to preoccupy ourselves with in this unnaturally created matrix that we all are, currently, to navigate one way or the other.
“Applying” Syntropy onto the “internal landscape” of our feeling-based nature has taken me (finally) out of judgment (which in most cases is futile) and into open curiosity. Coupled with my pre-determined Willingness to be really real with what is really going on in my thoughts and Willing access to what may be underlying my emotional reactions has been the only “practice” that has truly delivered results. All other “workshops”, spiritual retreats, and practices have all been but coping mechanisms devised by the intelligence to continuously protect myself (thus cope) with what ultimately was still stored within my cells AND wanted to become resolved.
This is a huge topic and to me one of the most relevant subjects to deeply explore, if we as a People want to “successfully” live in community. I call it now my ultimate research: Radical Human Ecology
To me Syntropy, in all this, is the missing link as remembering how Nature actually functions, what it actually wants to accomplish takes us out of judgment and instead allows us to be open and curious so to access what Life truly is working towards (in plants, in forests, in our cells).
Syntropic relating to Life reconnects me to the natural cycles of Life in which Death is no longer feared (death of relationships, change in environment, change in the world around me) but instead questioned as to “what its function is”. Subsequently I am welcoming change and am navigating WITH Life instead of against it by means of “trying” to control it.
Because EVERYTHING in Life performs a function with purpose it would be ignorant or a “denialists” MEN-TALITY to predicate that what I think I know, from what I have been taught in society, is to be true. Mostly it have been opinions not even based on my own experience, but simply adopted belief systems that I never verified. This willfull shift away from “thinking I know” requires Willingness to become curious and has required myself to become humble again. Such a great benefit!
We are all children of this earth and mostly what the transgenerational culture of fear has brought about is fear-based navigation with its only roots and substance being held within our own individuated unresolved traumas. What in my experience truly got “crushed” so to speak is my Original Innocence (the natural curiosity that younglings naturally operate from) and in expanding my view into the world around me I see clearly that this has been the case for every human being that has been exposed to injustice, violation and or trespass of the Natural Order (the syntropic nature of Life).
I can go on and on as there is much more to how we can turn this around for our human Family of Love that we intrinsically are…Born for Love. Born to Run. Born to be Free. Born to be thriving. All but words were easily written down yet the complexity of returning oneself to this self-activated state of navigating Life entails a tremendous amount of “cleaning up our mess” which most would like to “out-source” to being “other people’s” mess ( and why should i clean up this mess if he/she is the one who created this?).
This is where is “self-response ability” and our own individuated Willingness to “show up” again and again is the only medicine that can remedy and ultimately resolve the clusterfuk that we find ourselves in. This process I foresee taking several generations, and likely humanity taking itself way further over the proverbial “edge”. In sight of this: changing our narratives and ways of relating to Life “should” start today, in all our relations, seemingly best though with our intentional community, if we are Willing.
As you know this process has never been pretty, attractive or feeling nice, and yet as you also know it is the only pathway through and out of reactive patterns that keep resurfacing for us as individuals.
When I feel into my ways of reacting or projecting, my main question has been: “do I want to keep doing it this way”. This is a choice, because we have each a Free Will to choose to navigate based on fear, avoidance and resistance or willingness, openness, and acceptance.
In closing what I feel is relevant to share is that in the core essence of revisiting the trauma-based experience still stored in my cells (or others -I have been supporting many mammals to navigate their internal landscape- ) IT IS ALL ABOUT cultivating my ability to come into ACCEPTANCE of the failure of the grownups around me that did not uphold “Natural Justice”, did not navigate from Love, rejected me, abandoned me, shamed me, violated my sovereignty.
Acceptance is a multi-layered key to or tool for navigating resolving the unresolved. If we are not in acceptance we are in resistance to what is or was.
From my explorations Humans are the only mammals that are capable of not accepting that “what happened, truly happened”. Humans are able to stay in non-acceptance as to what happened to them for a whole lifetime and inadvertently hand their belief systems about “other”/reality, that they formed around this, down to the next generation.
Without coming into acceptance of what truly happened there is no “fore-giveness”, no healing, no transformation, no reintegration, no emotional release in the cells, no resolving.
Anything that isn’t focusing on resolving the unresolved by coming into acceptance of what happened (and recognising how it has shaped entropic (fear based) navigation over all these years), is thus only coping and coping is just that; coping with trauma, adjusting ourselves so to cope and in often times this leads into all sorts of beliefs about Life, Human Nature, the world, the system, the government, “other” -that are ALL but False Narratives about the full reality (which is: I am feeling vulnerable, I got hurt, I am sad)
You know most of this already and yet we both find ourselves questioning community and how the “nuts and bolts” of the social inter-dynamics function most optimally.
A pre-declared Willingness on behalf of ones’ own self and cells SPOKEN (ex-pressed) out to the “all of Self” and Other(s) is the only Natural Contract that anyone could enter into so to “safeguard” any community from resorting into the age old “conflict resolution mode” again.
Additionally, it is paramount that all people, that partake in the co-living experience of community, are committed to this way of relating with each other, themselves, and primarily the younglings among them. That is, if they want (are Willing) to navigate in a natural frequency. This is the ONLY pretext/ context or format I have discovered that ensures that we each grow through our past pains back into love and togetherness.
The (syntropic) way of navigating community together requires our relating to be one of Willingness to be vulnerable, open and real, and naturally, due to having navigated mostly differently, we all would be training our cells / self to remember how to do this.
One last quintessential aspect of “feeling-based relating” is as important as “only speaking on behalf of our own experience” and “only our own feelings”. This is called “receiving”. Remembering how to “receive” takes as much training as it takes to choose to be Willing with what is really going on for us internally.
Without being received in a natural frequency we simply don’t feel safe to go “deeper” into what is underlying our emotional reactions. This “part of training” ourselves (and the difficulty that it may be experienced as) has as much to offer for the receivers’ growth, as training ourselves in ex-pressing our raw vulnerabilities and accessing the stories still stored in our cells.
I have found a real natural “format” for what I call “feeling-based relating” and in closing I want to share one example as to how this “applies” itself best in the co-living situations we are relating around.
(I recognize that I have emotionally strong reactions occurring for me towards someone/you. Because I comprehend humandamage I know this is something to do with an imprint that predates the current situation). I ask: “hey (mammal), there is something occurring for me and I want to explore what is really going on for me, I am feeling feelings of shame/ rejection/ fear/ anger… I want to check in with you if it is your timing to be receiving?”
This context “sets the relating up” so that the other is Willing to receive and chooses to “be receiving”. With that Naturally there is no advice, answer or facilitation of healing needed, BUT if it has been part of the shared intentions or commitment (made prior to entering into this common-union-form of relating) that support IS welcomed, then by means of (only) asking loving and kind questions. “receiving” can expand into asking questions that may support the one feeling “triggered” to go deeper into the underlying cause of their emotional reactions.
HOWEVER it is extremely relevant to remember that “receiving” is just that in principle: Receiving. Not sharing ones’ own experience afterwards or reacting back when the other is expressing the thoughts that have been coming up for them. RESPONDING would only be appropriate if the one receiving is CHECKING IN with the one feeling vulnerable if He or She feels “open to receiving” thoughts or feelings that have been coming up for the “receiver” while listening.
This way of relating has EVERYTHING to do with the extend that our Will has been violated in the past. It also has EVERYTHING to do with remembering how to naturally relate with others based on how relevant it is that our personal feelings are being respected/ accepted for what they are.
The natural process for this would be a simple “checking in” with how the other FEELS around receiving the others’ thoughts feelings and emotions.
Often when we are new to this training / remembering how to navigate relating with each other in a natural frequency, it may not feel safe for the one feeling vulnerable to receive “a question” or even a response. This then relates to other traumas of not being listened to fully.
After receiving I would respond to someone sharing vulnerably with me with: “Yay (mammal) thank you for sharing… I am curious if you feel Willing to receive some thoughts that have come up for me around this.” (Be clear to check in with yourself if this is actually your own “stuff” that wants exploring or whether it is “insights” that you feel may benefit the other in receiving. Often times humans are still “burdened” by the “saviour complex” which really benefits exploring thoroughly to free ourselves from this so our own ability to be receiving becomes even more “pure” or simply RESTORED.)
Feeling-based relating is all about checking in around feelings. How one feels about receiving. If one feels willing to explore this or that further and in my experience, it ALL COMES DOWN TO ones’ own pre-declared Willingness to be really real, “to go there”, that defines this process to be one of resolving or simply coping.
Being Loving-kindness is training our cells to return to our Nature.
Feeling-based relating is all that will ever be required to resolve all “problems” in the world as “the world” is only an archetypal representation of what in our internal landscape of our feeling-based-world still lies unresolved.
I hope all this makes sense to you. And I hope we further dialogue around this as we (as our human family) are standing fantasy “neck-deep” in a fear-based, cult-programmed swamp of false narratives that are all stemming from fear, which result only in coping and keeps humanity only from handing down more trauma onto the next generations for which we each to our own carry the ultimate response-ability. I call it the Great Turning.
In love ,